Big boost from my big ego

By Ignatius Koh, Sports Editor

GRAPHIC: BRENDA LEE

My ego spurs me on to achieve more.

It may come as a surprise how a strong ego can be a source of motivation, but such is the case for me.
In my younger days, I detested seeing others outshine me in my top subject, English.

It was my strongest suit and I would consistently rank among one of the the top performers in English in class.

This changed in secondary school. I found myself slipping into ‘B’ territory for the subject – my worst scores ever.

Despite my newfound mediocrity, I was arrogant and lazy. I told myself that my grades were mere letters — an inaccurate reflection of my language skills.

Still, at the back of my head, the ‘B’s bugged me.

The final straw came in Secondary 3, when most of my classmates who were usually more adept at science and mathematics also bettered me during the English mid-year examinations.

Wake-up call

My ego couldn’t handle being second best any longer. If I couldn’t beat others at what was meant to be my best subject, I had no right to claim that I was good at it.

I had a meltdown in my room when I received my report card.

Until this day, my mother’s words continue to resonate in my head whenever I sense myself growing even a tad overconfident.

“You overestimate yourself. You think you are good, but there will always be someone better. Don’t ever think that you are the best,” she said.

It was a wake-up call for my 15-year-old self. After that episode, I don’t remember relinquishing the top spot in class for English as I started putting every ounce of effort into the subject.

That dent to my ego, in the form of a cruel reality check, reminded me that I had to always strive to do my best.

But never once did I cast my ego aside, and over the course of my later teenage years, I stopped short of growing arrogant by consistently reminding myself that I was far from the best in anything I did.

In junior college, my ego continued to push me.

One of my friends urged me to enter a short story writing competition organised by the Ministry of Education (MOE), called “Have You Got A Story To Tell?”

It was a new challenge that left my ego licking its lips. I was convinced that if I tried my best, I would be able to win at minimum a consolation award.

About six months later, I received an email from MOE congratulating me on being one of the seven contest winners.

Father of psychoanalysis

No one is better suited to expound on the ego than Sigmund Freud, a neuroscientist and the father of psychoanalysis. He hypothesised that there are three components of the psyche: id, ego, and super-ego.

The id is the most basic form of our desires, while the super-ego tempers our expectations. The ego falls in between; it is pushed by the id while confined by the super-ego.

Psychologist and author Kendra Cherry wrote in an article on Verywell, a health and wellness website, that someone who possesses a strong ego “approaches challenges with a sense that he or she can overcome the problem and even grow as a result”.

This means that the person’s ego will continue to push his super-ego in order to form new limits.
It would be fair to say my ego single-handedly dragged me into the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information.

Being here opened my eyes to the capabilities of my peers. My lack of exposure to the media scene was woeful — I had not seen news reporters my age till I set foot in this school.

This made me realise that I was far behind the curve, as my writing was deemed below par and I seemed to lack any sort of journalistic ability.

But the new environment excited me. I was in the company of people who could spur me towards my dream of becoming a journalist.

There hasn’t been a relaxing moment in university. Just when I think I have achieved a milestone, I find someone who accomplished it a long time ago.

My ego has never been challenged this much but I relish the chance to improve over and over again.