My grades don’t define me

After years of education, I’ve learnt to define my own success, says Opinion Writer Dawn Puah

GRAPHIC: LOW ZHANG QUAN

By Dawn Puah

One of the biggest lessons that changed the way I deal with disappointments in life happened when I was 17. My whole Project Work group had scored an A except for me — I scored a B.

My lack of confidence then led me to wonder what went wrong during the oral presentation which was individually assessed.

As my group mates rushed to comfort me, I held back tears and put on a strong facade as I didn’t want my friends to see me cry.

As we made our way to the canteen for a break, a classmate began to sing a song in consolation: “My hope is built on nothing less; than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.”

For the rest of the day, that line resonated in my mind.

Religion might not play a role in everyone’s life but it shaped my beliefs as I grew up attending church.

I had a revelation as that line repeated in my mind over and over again — I should not let grades define me as there is so much more to life.

Back then, grades were very important to me as I was convinced that turning in a stellar report card was synonymous with being a good student.

So when I fell short of my own standards of what a good student should be, I was crushed.

I have since learnt to let go of my obsession with grades and more importantly, opened my eyes to seeing things in a different perspective. I realised that what matters is the process, and not the result.

Now in university, I no longer study just to prove my worth based on my grades.

My focus has shifted to learning and even if I do badly, I am still satisfied as long as I learn something new.

Things in life come and go and if we build our identity on them, our worlds come crashing down when we lose them.

Sometimes, it feels like all hope is lost when we don’t do well for an examination or when we don’t get the internship we wanted.

In university, such disappointments happen a lot more than I had previously anticipated.

But instead of beating myself up, I view such moments as life-defining and a privilege.

They remind me that if I choose to base my worth on things that I cannot lose, then I will never lose my worth.

Things like good grades or an exchange opportunity are still important, of course.

I am aware that I’m here to study and do my very best, but grades and achievements are not the be-all and end-all of life.

With this attitude, I feel at ease to define my own success.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s only natural to react to disappointment with sadness or anger.

But at the end of the day, do you let it go or do you let yourself go?

The experience with my PW grade might seem trivial now, but it has prepared me to receive my A Level results a year later with a level mind.

The change in perspective on my grades, self-worth and identity has taught me to let my competitive self rest and sure enough, on the day of the release of ‘A’ level results, I was significantly less anxious than a year before.

My friends ask me why I always look so happy. It’s because I am no longer afraid of losing these immaterial things in life.

While I don’t hope for more disappointments, I believe such times are necessary because although they discourage us for a while, they lift us up in the long run and strengthen us to face greater disappointments to come.

More importantly, they give us the opportunity to reconsider what we base our worth on. Looking back, I’m thankful I got that B.